Things I Love to Wear

Things I Love (to Wear) Gurl, You Fake Edition

Normally with my personal style I’m aiming for goth Manson girl meets Molly Ringwald’s boss in Pretty in Pink but lately (and by lately I mean the last 24 hours) I’ve been really into wearing plastic. Let’s explore this until it’s too much. If you don’t squeak when you walk then you’re not living life right!

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These platform jelly wedges I found on Amazon are stupid enough that I want to wear them every day. Also, whenever I question why some people think I’m a teenager please reference this post. The reviews on these are all over the place but they will not stop me from buying them! I am moving to Louisiana! I need a new summer shoe! Seriously though, the customer pictures are a little much. But for $19.99 I am down to gamble.

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This high waisted vinyl skirt from ASOS is a God damned dream. I almost broke my rule about buying bottoms online to buy this skirt (I have a big ass…). Will someone with a less confusing body buy this and tell me how it fits? Live the dream.

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I have so many thoughts about this halter top from COCKROACHvtg and literally all of them are good. She also has a PVC halter covered in stickers. PLEASE CHECK OUT THIS GEM OF AN ETSY SHOP. I am honestly shocked that I haven’t seen anyone wearing one of these at The Crown.

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Things I Love to Wear

Things I Love (to Wear) JEWELRY. It’s a Thing.

Jewelry! Honestly, I hardly wear it (save for a few rings and a gold bracelet) but there’s nothing better to elevate a daily uniform of t-shirt and jeans.

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This pendant necklace from MG Stilwaggon Designs is bad ass. Full disclosure, MG was my roommate in college and I absolutely adore her. She’s an incredibly talented artist and jewelry is like mini pieces of art at that you can wear. Buy some art! It’s an investment.

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I didn’t know that I needed a giant ass cocktail ring until I saw this giant ass cocktail ring from Stellarium Jewelry. You guys! It has metaphysical properties! Perhaps I am drawn to it because my boyfriend is a Pisces and I’m getting over a sore throat? Maybe I just like giant shiny things. For all you Baltimoreans, Stellarium Jewelry can also be found at Milk & Ice in Hampden (where you can find FUCKING BOLO TIES. BOLO TIES FOREVER).

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I may be totally against feet and feet adjacent jewelry, but this anklet is alright. Like, I love Double Indemnity so how against anklets can I really be? Besides the only time I took a real hard stance against foot jewelry was when my mother told me she wanted a toe ring. Who wants their mother wearing a toe ring? Speaking of moms though, something about this anklet paired with a Birkenstock just screams sexy Brooklyn Mom to me and, you know what? I’m okay with that.

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Things I Love to Wear

Things I Love (to Wear) RIP Bebe Edition

When I saw on WWD that Bebe would be shutting down its brick and mortar stores to focus on its online business I was shocked. What is a mall without an empty Bebe surrounded by teenage girls laughing at the freakum dresses in the window?

There’s nothing more delightful than a classic Bebe logo tank. It reminds me of summer camp counselors, crunchy curls, cleaning ladies, and babysitters. Get one while you still can!! Nostalgia’s working for us and these tanks are gonna be BIG in a few years. I look forward to going to a bar I’m too old for and seeing art school students covered in body glitter wearing Bebe tanks with platform sneakers and listening to frightening music I do not understand but thoroughly enjoy.

Herve Leger bandage dresses may not be in style anymore, but they always will at Bebe. Where will the Real Housewives of OC buy dresses now? How will that one girl who really loves horses turn it out and surprise everyone with her boobs at prom?

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This is actually just a cute dress that I likeI’m not supposed to buy more clothes but, like, I’m sure they’re going to have some great sales in store. What if I just hopped on over to the mall and bought a dress? NBD.

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Things I Love to Wear

Things I Love (to Wear) Service Industry/All Black Edition

The great thing about working in restaurants and other customer facing jobs is that so often the required apparel is a great reflection of the soul-crushing work we do. Why don’t you look cute while you wonder how you got here?

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This Storets top is an acceptable take on the cold shoulder trend. Plus it makes you look like a ball busting bitch (in the best way possible).

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These high rise Reformation jeans are interesting enough to wear outside of work but still basic, high rise black jeans. Get it.

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These Carhartt Overalls come in black so I’m sold. I love that Carhartt became a chic streetwear staple a few years ago. Like, okay! Let’s all wear sturdy construction wear! I’m into it! They make women’s overalls but they are sold out and do not come in number sizes so I don’t trust them.

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Allbirds in black are a lightweight alternative to black New Balance dad shoes. Full disclosure, I don’t own these, I’ve never worn a pair, and I don’t know anyone who does. I have read a lot of reviews online about these shoes. Apparently, they’re pretty comfortable and machine washable. You should probably put appropriate podiatrist approved insoles in them.

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These Doc Martens aren’t black but I wear them to my restaurant job and pretend they are all the time. They’re comfortable. They’re vegan. There’s a reason why all the bartenders at your favorite bars wear them.

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Things I Love to Wear

Things I Love (to Wear) S.A.D. & Pink Edition

There was one week where it felt like spring and everything was good and right in the world (hahaha just kidding, Donald Trump is our president and my bank account is wasting away). Let’s go back to that week. Or fast forward to when it’s warm again. Either one works for me. But what are you gonna wear after this journey through time?

 

reformationkingpin.jpgThis Reformation top is a real gem. I guess it’s not weather specific but whatever. Pop it on over some frayed edged ankle jeans and drink some beers in the sun. You deserve it.

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These ASOS mules are Maryam Nassir Zadeh knockoffs but, guess what, I can’t afford the real thing. So I ordered these at 2 AM when I was sad and could not sleep. Then there was a snow storm and now they still aren’t here.

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This Loeil dress is velvet so probably great for winter but its cut and spaghetti straps make it the perfect dress for climate change addled transitional weather. Also, it reminds me of this matching velvet turtleneck top/mini skirt combo my great grandmother and I used to wear. Let’s ride this velvet trend hard for the next few months until we’re all absolutely sick of it.

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